Yes! We Want No Paid Parking!

In 1923, a song swept across the United States that captured everyone’s attention.

“Yes, we have no bananas,” the novelty hit, initially performed by Eddie Cantor on Broadway, was written by a couple of songwriters inspired by a Greek immigrant greengrocer in Long Island, NY, who had a habit of starting every sentence with “yes” even when telling customers he was out of stock.

When you ask him anything, he never answers ‘no,’
He just ‘yes’es you to death, and as he takes your dough,
He tells you, ‘Yes, we have no bananas.

If those songwriters had lived in 21^st Century Fernandina Beach and observed today’s City Commission, the lyrics would have been altered to read:

When you ask them anything, they never answer ‘no,’
They just ‘yes’es you to death, and takes your dough,
They tell  you, Yes, you don’t want paid parking.

We’ve got liens and schemes
Impact fees, plus other means
And all sorts of ordinances, and say
We have old-fashioned enforcers
And lawyers with torts and courts
So you say “yes” you want no paid parking today
We say “no” you get paid parking today.

Double talk and gibberish permeate everything this Commission does. Fernandina’s August 2026 Primary Election Ballot reads like the 1923 greengrocer talked.

Local voters are being asked  to vote “Yes” or “No” on the following: “The City of Fernandina Beach shall not implement paid parking in any designated area, defined as all areas within the City, without majority approval (50% plus one) vote from a public referendum of registered City voters. The ordinance does not prohibit the City from implementing temporary parking measures during special events. Such measures require public notice at such time a special permit is issued and not last longer than 30 days.”

That blithering piffle means that if residents DO NOT want paid parking they should vote “Yes.”  If they want paid parking, they should vote “No.” Yes means “no” and “no” means “yes” to this City Commission that has the combined IQ of a yam.

On this ballot “Yes,” means you get no paid parking and “No” means yes, you don’t get paid parking. Got it?

It should be obvious that the minds of the City Commissioners and whoever puts these ballots together, have been taken over by Pod People. In fact, a scientific study by world renowned mental health scientists should be conducted in the future to determine what happens to people like this, who appear perfectly normal when elected to Fernandina’s City Commission, then change into Bloodsuckers from Outer Space .

They could start the study by asking why they would hire a gal as city manager, pay her $215,000 plus benefit then give her two assistant city managers, one who’s paid $175,000 annually. She’s paid $74,000 more than Governor DeSantis for a city of 13,500. Wasn’t the governor available? Has anyone heard this this gal speak at a local event, read an opinion editorial she’s written, or heard her cite her position about anything?

This city hall crowd appears so dim that it would spend taxpayer money to fund working models of artificial hemorrhoids and require residents to purchase them at city hall along with their local parking permits, that they may or may not need again depending on the upcoming “yes” or “no” vote outcome.

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Wait! It Could Get Worse: Where are the candidates proposing ways to financially help local residents by cutting city budgets, putting a stop to excessive spending, and hiring, reducing headcount, and telling department heads to find a 10-15% or more cut in their budgets?

There aren’t any.

Of the three running for office, not a single candidate I’ve read or heard has addressed reducing the massive increases in spending our tax money.

Instead, they appear, like all those they’re following that regard the budget as sacred. To them it’s a revenue problem. They just need more of our money they say. Hence, abominations like paid parking to pay for an unnecessary new city hall and seawall a project proposed by nitwits that don’t recognize that water seeks its level all along the coast.

Everyone , except the candidates, agrees that too many projects and not enough money is THE problem.

The current commission, with the exception of clear-thinking outlier Darron Ayscue, think the solution is paid parking. The candidates say they oppose it but none of them offer any alternatives. If they have any, they’re keeping them to themselves.

The three candidates vying for the seat being vacated by the mayor and the chamber’s current potted plant, James Antun, use the same phrases such as transparency, accountability, efficiency, fiscal responsibility, and protecting our quality of life. Yawn!

All of these candidates repeat the same mindless blather. Where are the specifics?

I don’t hear any solutions. I want to know where they are going to cut expenses, not what else they are going to buy with our tax dollars.

A contributor on the local Neighbor social media site summed it up nicely writing: ”As voters, we deserve more than slogans. We deserve clear priorities, measurable goals, and specific proposals that allow us to compare candidates based on substance rather than broad aspirations.”

Their campaign summaries are all mindless gibberish.

I know two of the three folk running and plan on casting my vote for Scott Inglis, the best of the three. All of them oppose paid parking. However, any candidate supporting it would be trundled off for emergency psychiatric care.

Len Kreger, who served seven years as a City Commissioner is a retired U.S. Marine who wants to get back in the game. But his beach storming and commissioning days are way behind him. His seven years were a snooze fest as I can’t think of a single thing he accomplished or even said. I never even heard a good “Hoorah” out of  the former leatherneck.

Candidate Staci McMonagle’s testimony in the online Fernandina Observer was a cure for insomnia. It was filled with blah blah such as: “We want to be known as a community that protected its history, managed growth wisely, and invested in the infrastructure needed to support both residents and visitors. Most importantly, I want our children and grandchildren to inherit a city that is financially sound, environmentally resilient, historically authentic, etc. etc., zzzzzzz”

Retired Navy veteran Englis wasn’t much better but at least he didn’t drone on and on. Kreger was brief and offered nothing new, not even a single “Hoorah!”

Where’s the candidate willing to say: “I’ll tell every department head to cut 10-15 percent of their budgets. If they don’t, I’ll find ways to make them do it and I’ll keep after the cost cutting my entire term or until someone acts.

What about the illegal use of impact fees? Where’s the candidate addressing that?

What this campaign needs is a candidate that can grab attention and keep things timely and lively. My all time favorite is Dr. Stanley Biber, a Colorado sex change surgeon, who following his election to a county commission seat, said:  “We pulled it off.”